in the stillness of the night, i will update this site.
it was an eventful night for kate and myself, and on top
of that, my fellow blogger, dear meredith has not graced
me with her presence today and I am feeling slightly anxious.
I think I forgot my Xanax this morning. I must tell you, that
my day has not been at all eventful, if not in fact, quite boring.
Hangover having finally dissipated around, oh... 9 p.m. (must be
time for a shot) I was finally able to function as a human. Prior
to this hour, I spent time pinching Kate's achilles tendon and pondering
why she is the same height as me and 40 pounds more slender.
My life is that interesting. Tonight was the usual dilemma.
She desired terribly to go to dinner, but I was not in the mood
to fight traffic, or sit through a formal dinner at the
god-awful country club where botox is as common as tanning
and collagen implants are more played out than Britney Spears. So I said "really kate, when we could be laying
or the couch eating broccoli and watching Zoe 101, looking for Jamie's prego
bump..why leave"
And she was all..."Erika...." in a pretty menacing tone, and I knew I had to come
up with an excuse. All of the sudden, the Queen of Cunts knocked on the door.
I should have smelled her from miles away but the scent of her sweaty, reeking feet
in her UGGS covered up the overwhelming cunt scent. Julia. You see, Julia's mom has
the tendency to believe that I am nothing more that the remnants of shit
in her asshole and thus believes I am there to serve her at any moment of the
day. Keep in mind I have met her once, through her Chanel glasses, and the downing
of diet pills with a bottle of vodka. Oh, Sand Point. Anyway. QC walks in
telling stories of her mom needing "time off" and traipsed upstairs with
Kate, where Usher began to blare and the hangover began to get better.
Oh...Wait...
Anyway, around 30 minutes after Kate was supposed to be sleeping,
Mom of the Year arrives home and swoops up her daughter, who
smells mysteriously of mushrooms and airfreshner and I put dazed Kate
to bed (hope that was just exhaustion, pretending i didnt see the
empty hair spray bottles she shoved under her bed)....

all for now...
<3
e

Honestly. honestly. COOL!. im not going into details. i will not go into boring details about how SPU royally will screw people over with credits just to get money. but im just going to say, i would like spu. to. suck. my. dick....
wow. ok in other news.


Erika Collins, our dear soul, currently has a spiritually mother. actually, i retract. she HAD a mother. This event was possibly one of the funniest. while a poor old woman lie prostrate lying on the floor of Christian faith center as a man pulled demons from her body. a truly beautiful experience. I know that e is very sad about these events-now that her mother has an empty soul. but she will get on..somehow without that lovely trip to mexico. for shame........

andria (BAH) just walked in. i screamed. the class all looked at me. im embarassed. but she is more so. for she finally realizes. she is no sex goddess.
she spilled her coffee all over her white coat. what a pathetic mute.

"cost of goods sold is 3.074. sales is 5.25. figure this relationship, and you get .73. come up with the income statement. sales times historic relationship.cost of goods sold and sales."
-this sounds like japanese. i hate finance.good thing there is an exam on friday.
wait, shit. he just told me to do the worksheet "I DONT HAVE ONE, PROFESSOR'-m

"GET OUT OF SCHOOOL!!!! you do not belong in school, failure." professor.

GOOD. good. im peacing on the hell out. there is ONE good thing about this god forsaken class.....and that will stay anonymous.i do believe a few reading this (or maybe one reading this) will know exactly what im talking about :)

i miss our old hilarious house times. such as when we would bust off to safeway and get crack dip, and hwant for all hours of the night. beauty all around.
hiking this weekend will be fun. as well as a prom night! perfect.
over and out. this professor is breathing down my neck.

E&M are extremely apologetic about the fairly long heiatious we took. in our absence, much has occured. of course spring break, a double kegger, some special cake, and an enconter with twitter. we now have even more control over each other and can keep tabs on each others every move. it makes me feel relieved. really.

in other news, we will embark on the hills tonight.
we are sober.
which is always unfortunate, and can at times make for awkward moments (mostly with non-drinking members of the house) which may sound like it doesnt make sense (that not drinking would make it more awkward with these people) but really, as we know, alchohol makes us much more at ease with these tense members.

furthermore. we will attempt to catch a buzz on some creme-de-menth.
i obviously have laundry to do.
unfortunately, a member of the linden house had a sober accident on another members bed.
i think we will chalk it up to an accident.
but really. wow.
chocking on 1,000 proof alcohol. can cause a loss of control of the southern regions.

over and out to search and scower the house for A.

forever, popping bottles,
M

all you need is LOVE!

hello fellow bloggers,

it has been several since we have been in contact
with one another but the events that have been taking place within
the Linden household would not let you down. a complete shitshow
last night, beginning and ending, of course, with Monarch. This morning
we awoke to text messages of a roommate who had encountered a man
and decided to depart from her bed for the evening in search of new bed,
more comfortable and fabulous. Unable to come into contact with her
we worried and fretted, only to realize that this roommate was absolutely
fine and unconcerned, relaxing in luxury. We were angered and disappointed.
Finally coming to this conclusion:

Life is a sick joke.

In other news, we depart in less than twelve hours. a roadtrip in the red hummer.
to god knows where. will we be studying for finals? most likely not. do we plan to
remember a thing. absolutely not. will we pop bottles? we most certainly will.
there is not a shot in hell the blog tomorrow will not absolutely amaze you.
it is time to sign off. Expect tomorrow to be much better, much more interesting.
xoxo.
forever popping bottles.

the following men have been frequenting the linden house this week.
of course retreating to the dungeon M&E get very little time with them.

therefore i figured i would post a few pictures to explain what we are missing out on.


the first picture explains the various types of hoodrats that arrive.
of course we have our stoners, gangsters, old, young, preppy, creepy, smart etc.
the second is a man that has been frequenting quite often.
he is gorgeous really, and ready to mingle.

what we really are hoping for is more men like this to come visit.

over and out,
forever.popping bottles,
M

so, im getting exhausted by the number of
men and names that tend to appear in our house frequently.
we didnt intend to be the sort of house that hosted
hood rats...yet all of the sudden it seems we have become a pimp
house. in the lightest sense of the word of course. maybe i need eleven
shots. maybe i should study for finals. probably i should simply watch eleven
eps of Sex+City. SJP is a sex goddess lets just be honest. 100
pounds of frizz and sex. i need to be her. initiated M to the DQ
rout. this eve. and although we missed Celine, i do feel that jesus
was in our evening and it thrilled me. rap+blizzards+a chilli dog.
what could honestly be better?
as we prepare for finals the mood gets more chaotic and
we fall into the spins and pray for death. thank god for ecstasy
and crack. and hot dogs every other tuesday.
love.

e

so..
the general mood of Linden was downtrodden yesterday.
we seemed a bit delirious chugging cups of vod
that looked similar to water, falling peacefully to sleep
in the attic to john mayer. and although the chaos and drama
was just a mere annoyance, i awoke today to find myself
more angry than the prior evening and unhappy with the day already.
Why Linden...why? the rain does not add to the mood as we
had gotten used to the beauty of sunlit spring and i could feel
my heart sinking as i was met with grey skies and a shiver in my
cold fingers. as long as a few people do not make their presence
known this evening, things will progress more smoothly than
nights previous. and on a good note...while it seems my wallet empty..
we have just 4 days until our Portland departure. beautiful.

will be in touch bloggers.
try and keep those spirits high..
time for some cocoa and last minute homework
before a hellish class.
xoxo
e

fuck this shit.
dont start shit.
and make people pissed at other people.
seriously though.

when you are offered a glass of wine,
dont think it means.
come to my bed.

lord in heaven.

the events which took place at the Linden house
and are just now beginning to be realized and sink in for both M and E,
have challenged us greatly to not break our detox in order to take shots.
linden has experienced difficulty in the last 24 hours.
a man the mere age of our fathers slept soundly in the dungeon
bed last night. it was frightening and disappointing, but mostly,
why in the name of jesu christo would a man of thirty eight
years of age lay with a child of only twenty one. we are sickened
and disturbed. our reaction is of shock and awe and causes us
to resort to desire to eat copious amounts of stir-fry, cookie dough
and cheese cake.

it is also unfortunate that every time E descends down her stairs
and M dances out her door, they are met with the sight of Satan's
asshole. Let me clarify. By Satan's asshole, we are of course referring
to a man who was obviously hammered as shit last night and has decided
that he will ruin our lives by making sucking noises with our preciously adorable
roommate and will spread his heinous juices and diseases all over
are obviously lovely couch. Fuck ass. Whoa. Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa. Also. We not thrilled by the lack of immediate response to the detox I am getting me. Health has not been restored and dessssperately need a cigarette. It has been 2 days. Shit. Anyway. Love. We must escape to greenlake to vent and discuss further writings. We will be in touch bloggers.
E&M
“you got me so hypnotized the way your body rolling round and round, that bootie just bumping, titties just bouncing.”

oh for the love. the newest edition to the linden house. an elderly hoodrat.


honestly? Is this what our lives are coming to?
I dare say, Yes.
to live amongst the seagulls. we would be better off
then to live amongst the men of ancient
shall we have sex, and then change their diapers?

38 is a horrendous number.
close to 40.


dad?
Mom?


forever.popping bottles,
M

many emails, letters, comments, messages, visits, and calls have forced monarchlungs to update every 3 hours. while we realize that the events of our lives are very important, we do ask for some privacy as we do have personal lives to lead. therefore, we ask that our fans, Please, please not make personal house calls. the last thing we want is for our true and loyal fans to catch us in a moment that may be compromising to our truest of identities. These events may be:

-Chugging rediculous amounts of vodka.
-running away with crack dip. dripping from our chins.
-looking like grandfathers.
-dancing to chris brown.

we feel that these activities do not truly explain who we are as a person (monarchlung). we also ask for a limited amount of requests on our next music video. while we understand that you want to see our latest on youtube.com, we cannot truly make a video until our contract with mewfilms comes through.

and in closing, we truly, from the bottom of our small and cold hearts, want to thank you, blogger, for keeping up with our lives. we are truly nothing without you-and we thank you.

forever.popping bottles,

M&E

sooo
just taking shots
out of a waterbottle. ate one vat of grease today.
thank you so much Beth's
for literally feeding me full of fat and spam.
feel absolutely perfect. went to safeway. mer
def stole a VEST, a safety vest. we can probably
use this for the rest of our lives, i mean why would
we not pass this down to our children?
it is an antique. i feel like i should bury it in a time
capsule, dig it up in several years and tell my children
the story of my foxy red-headed roommate who made
my world a better place to live.... i MUST SHOT, E

POPPPINS BOTTLES
not mary
mere
(HAHAHAHAH)
e

our lives. are truly NOT real.
The following :
truly explains the beauty.
what can we say
safeway has erupted.
crack dip.
bread.
massive amounts of cocaine.
aka: 100 proof.
holy lord.
please save us.
shots again
linden is back.

its getting.
im making my way over to my favorite plaaaaceeeeeeeeee
please dont stop the MUSICCC (russian playlist)

perez hilton doesnt know what's going to HIT HIM!!!!
PEREZA PEREZ is going to return from Latino America and take over. that shit.
fjdska










Forever.Popping bottles since 1987,
M&E

an insane amount of tension in the
house this ebony evening.
the roommates are all around not functioning as
a cohesive unit and i am about to suggest to meredith
that we take the rest of my cheap rum
(monarch of course, we would never let you down
bloggers) and chug a few shots in her room.
we will of course be chanting "hwant" loudly..
quietly and then will proceed to make a delicious amount
of stir fry. in one half of an hour it is most certainly
time for detoxification. raw vegetables and water for the
next year. or something. anyway. im going to go become best
friends with monarch, chain smoke a few and be good friends
with oc. the tension is palpable and i need some mer and i
need a few new blog friends. i might go dive naked in greenlake
just to cause drama.

love. and. paz.

e

attached is a picture of lungs. the right one, is how i feel.
I have no more capacity to breath.
the antidote?
jesus juice.

i feel as low any amount of "tussin" (cheap version of robatussin) will not save.

it is an unusual night at the linden abode.
no one is drinking.
life is quiet.
youtube is blasting.
we yearn for the former days of late-
such as yesterday as we staggered.
here and there
shots.of.pong.
stirfry.
toothless.
chain smoking (first time for some, for others, just another friday night)
however, tonight is a night of legend.
for without alcohol, how shall we cope?
what shall we do?

i suppose we will have to find alternative methods.
to entertain the powers at be.

over and out.
to watch a film
of epic proportions.

tomorrow shall be a detox.
water and raw veg.
will perhaps remove the vatt of oil.
that has circumnavigated
the stomachs of the beautiful women
pictured above.

Beauty.
love and KISSES.


forever.popping bottles,
M&E

welcome.
to---
our account of the mayhem
that occurs in our world.
we will speak here a bit about
the things which occur in our lives.
we, meredith and erika, have determined
that we are
quite capable of seeing the humor in the
the events that take place around us..
so look forward to future blogs.
pop bottles.
always, always
pop bottles.
and eat el stir fry de meredith.